by: Bailey Williams

I hit rock bottom. My perfectionist front cracked like broken glass when I was sent home from college, pulled from my leading role in performances, and placed on exercise restriction and into intense therapy from my Eating Disorder. I was kicking, fighting, clawing for ‘freedom’; begging for this gift that scripture told me I was freely given but I surely did not feel.

I hear the Lord’s voice most clearly in nature, when I give myself permission to be still and sit in the quiet place. Sitting on the beach for sunrise as I did daily over this healing season, I allowed myself to sit in the discomfort of my thoughts, be still with my spirit. As the waves crashed before the shore, I asked God, “Will you wash over me with your waves of freedom? I see you do it for the beach every morning, why haven’t you done it over me?” And He answered simply, “What if I already have?” *cue spiritual ah ha moment* I was living David’s Psalms where he cries out to the Lord, but I wasn’t singing the ones right after where he praises God for His love and mercy. What if He already gave it to me? Because of Jesus, freedom is a gift that is inherently mine. Because of my authority over the enemy and the Holy Spirit living inside me, I can clothe myself in the fruits of freedom each morning. Like the shore is washed over in waves of renewing grace, so am I.

I'm still learning the phases of freedom. Being honest, I’m coming from a season of frustration with the Lord. “But God, I was already free from this,” I stubbornly cried, “Why am I here where you’ve already rescued me from?” I breathe, I pray, I sit still and let the Lord remind me of His freedom and how I can choose to be in it.

Let that glass jar that broke be my alabaster jar before the Lord. May I lay myself down before the feet of Jesus, pouring everything I have out to Him for the freedom He continually pours out on me. I believe it’s a daily choice to live in the freedom we’ve been given. James 4:7, Philippians 4:8 and others help me declare who I am in the Lord, the authority I have over my thoughts, and the inheritance of freedom that is so freely mine if I will choose to accept it from His giving hands.