by: Lori Dodson

On January 9, 2021 I wrote a note to myself saying, “I have the courage, trust and faith to END what needs to end in order for the next thing to begin.”

I had to write this down throughout the season of remote working. See I’m an “all in” type of gal and in the last season of my life I allowed my career to take all of me. It took my weekends, holidays, peace of mind, dinnertimes with family, etc. It was too big and I had allowed it to consume me because what I focused on grew. I honestly had no idea that I was operating in a constant state of fight, flight, or freeze, I just thought I was a highly effective career woman with kids and activities who relied too heavily on caffeine. You can relate, right? Well, the house of cards I built for myself all came crashing down March 13, 2020, the day America began shutting down in response to the pandemic.

The first couple of weeks at home were glorious, I needed a break (like the rest of America)! After months began to pass with no end in sight, I noticed my thoughts beginning to spiral and anxiety gripping me like it had in the past. Why didn’t I want to be here with the family I had prayed for in our beautiful home? What was wrong with me? Why do I get more satisfaction from my job than being present with the family God has given me?

In those moments I realized I was performing for God and everyone else. This was triggering what felt like panic and an attack on my value. I cared more about achieving goals at work than I cared about the condition of my soul. Please hear me that there is nothing wrong with achieving, but God knows our heart. My need to achieve was coming from an unhealthy, broken place, a place the Holy Spirit wanted to heal. That is exactly what happened over the course of the pandemic, the healing of my soul.

I am amazed at how God cares about every detail of our lives. He wants us to be whole and prosper in our body, mind, and spirit. Our part in that equation is having the courage to make the necessary changes in obedience to the Holy Spirit. For me it was decreasing the chaos and clutter I packed into my daily life in order to increase my awareness of His presence all around me.